thoughts after publishing my first book
i’m very grateful to all of those who have supported the collection thus far. it’s been really nice to feel like it wasn’t all for nothing, and i’m beyond grateful — and in many ways, in complete disbelief — at the kind things people have said about how it’s affected them. more than anything else, i’d always wanted to write as a way to connect with other people, to help them feel understood in their despair or confusion about life. it is deeply humbling.
i guess some other thoughts following these initial ones are that my life is much longer now than i ever expected it to be. this might be a dramatic thing to state at the age of 30 to some people. i guess it kind of is. but to continue living past myself, the person i was when i wrote those stories, is also a kind of grief. i can’t return to who i was when i wrote those stories, which in many ways is good, but is also just sort of scary. even though life was a mess, it was dependable in that i knew its patterns.
i’m trying to work on a longer-form work now, though we’re going to see where it takes me. the novel is much harder — all the ways that i’m used to dealing with emotion or tension or plot don’t work in this form. the idea of imperfection or challenge was something that used to excite me, made me more willing to take risks. i’m figuring it out, though, one way or another, and i’m not giving up on it just yet — it’s just that, much like my life, it’s a much longer process than i first expected.
a peach pie that rae made for me, 2. eugene lim and i at the world’s burough bookshop, 3. vp+p and fog and car, 4. vp+p and italy letters, 5. garrett outside of work, after i gave him his korean cigarettes, 6. salem looking out the window, 7. birds, 8. me and juliet 9. garrett (again) and aris.
i’m also really grateful for my friends. i have been waking up every day recently, thinking to myself, i’m so lucky that i have such wonderful friends. it’s enough to want to keep you going, keep you writing, despite all of our everyday little dooms. i’ve begun reading yoko ogawa’s the memory police, after finishing yuri herrera’s forthcoming novel, season of the swamp.
tomorrow there’s going to be a lot of stuff happening in celebration of labor day, and i’m hoping to make some fried green tomatoes before going to chicago for four days. i haven’t made them before, but i saw some at the grocery store and was reminded of my childhood in the south, and how delicious they are. hopefully they turn out well and also freeze well? i think i should have thought this out some more, but worst case scenario i will give some to my neighbors.
what kinds of things should i talk about more on here? i don’t really know how to use substack still, but from what i can tell it’s basically somewhere where you’re allowed to yap about whatever. so if that’s okay i’m going to keep doing it, but i’d like to attempt to try doing some more focused posts on here…maybe book reviews, or stuff like that.
also, i quit quitting cigarettes again. o well. the last time i went to the dentist he said he “really liked my teeth”, but i feel scared if that will change — i don’t want to disappoint my dentist —
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